Shasta Ali, writer, poet and anti-racism campaigner, was one of the recipients of the 2022 Edwin Morgan Trust X Moniack Mhor Bursary Awards. Here, she shares a little of her writing journey and her experience at Moniack Mhor:
I started writing as a response to grief which was tightening its grip on me with each passing day. I’d just given birth after another high risk pregnancy. The light or noor as we call it in Urdu, which usually comes with the birth of a baby, flickered off to a dull throbbing dark when I lost one of the most important people in my life. My world untethered from every familial thing I knew.
To quieten the ache, I picked up pen and paper to empty my head of thoughts that haunted every moment with my newborn. The words tumbled out onto the page, sorrow smudging into stanzas; loss shape shifting between line breaks and white spaces; where if I held a breath for a moment too long – I’d be back at the hospice.
The word in Urdu for grief is gham غم. A beautiful guttural sound that wraps itself around the viciousness of grief. And so I began to pen to this gham, and it started to make sense in the way only fragments can after a rupture.
As a working mother and a very messy juggle between caring responsibilities, school, work and life balance – writing residencies are always for other people, right? So I thought.
In September 2023 I had a life changing opportunity to attend the magical Moniack Mhor on a writing residency nominated by the Scottish BPOC Writers Network for an Edwin Morgan Trust & Moniack Mhor Bursary Award.
Moniack Mhor is in the serenest of locations. Nestled in the highlands, with all the vibes of a cosy cottage off the beaten track….and a hobbit house (yes a hobbit house). We had delicious food and the most gorgeous weather – full on Mediterranean summer in the Highlands, in September! Who knew it was possible?
One morning at Moniack, I remember my body clock awakening me in time for the morning chaos which usually ensued at home. Thoughts of packed lunches, missing uniforms, and ‘must pack healthy snacks’ rolled in my mind, but I gathered my notebook instead, made myself a cuppa and sat outside, listening to glorious bird song as another dawn broke.
Picturesque settings aside, let me tell you about the brave, creative and talented lassies of Moniack – our all women writing group. The women of the group are incredible. We shared good food, laughs (a lot of them), tears (also a lot) and many a group hug.
The tutors for the week were the phenomenal Joelle Taylor and Hannah Lavery. Both were generous tutors sharing their expertise and craft in workshops and mentoring, and of course joining in all the fun.
There were so many special moments at Moniack, but one that’ll stay with me forever was one warm evening where we lay on the grass stargazing after a day of workshopping. I remember feeling immense gratitude to be with my newfound friends, talking poetry, putting the world to rights under a glittering star filled sky — ‘we are all made of star-stuff’ Carl Sagan. It’s what poems are made of right?!
Moniack and everyone who works there is truly special. For the first time in my life, I had time to nurture my imagination and write, and not into the wee hours which is what I was accustomed to. I crafted poems at Moniack which I performed on the big stage at the Edinburgh Lyceum in October 2023 for a choral poem/lyric play: For Us Girls Of Colour Making Half Notes into Song When The Haar is All by Hannah Lavery.
Back to reality
This hit hard when we all went back to our daily lives, jobs and neverending to do lists, but our wee group has kept in contact. It has been utterly joyous to support one another in our writing, events and grow into our friendship.
Huge thanks to the Scottish BPOC Writers Network for coming into my life just when I needed it, and for believing in me before I did. To my poetry sisters, may we always cheer each other on, a forever reminder that words can bring us together, and of course to Moniack Mhor and Edwin Morgan Trust for collaborating together for transformative opportunities.
Here’s to the blank page and all the possibilities it can bring.
